Saturday, May 29, 2004 

I have no fingerprints

cleaned my place quite bloody thoroughly....we're talking toxic cleaners and shit. the good news is, the pad a sparkling clean. the bad news is, I might not be able to have children now : )

chilled out with the boys last night.....the girls were at a bachelorette party. nothing too interesting. going out just isn't that great when nothing bizarre happens. plain drinking doesn't really cut it anymore.

hmmm, I'm including Daryl's comments(may 24th post) in this post. it doesn't derserve to languish in the "comments" section. hmm, and that I don't have anything else that's worth mentioning. So here it is:

"Touché Boon. There are many bad reasons to get into a relationship, and loneliness and sex, as you stated, are two of them. It's hard not to be influenced by these things. But as Boon and I discussed recently, all wise and virtuous moves in life are hard. And sometimes you can see and understand the wise direction, but feel unable to walk it.
I think that the longer you wait to settle down with somebody, and the more you develop your own interests and virtues, and the more selective you are of potential mates, and the less concerned you are about physical beauty, the better the mate you will end up with, and the better YOU you will end up with.
Finally, and to make things more complicated, you can't continually deny chicks because you're on your own personal journey, because you might then lose a "keeper" (re: myself and Catherine).
So in conclusion, don't mope around if you don't have a partner--use it as the best time you'll ever have to become the person you want to b
Bosh"

prophetic words indeed....

B.

Friday, May 28, 2004 

and then there was one.

I feel I'm slowly but surely fading away into obscurity. There's this nagging feeling that my tour of duty in Canada has pretty much run aground. Time to move on....or more appropriately put, run away. Just a matter of completing some schooling s'all.

Been in relatively bitter mood of late (hmm, maybe that's my natural state). Feel a general dissatisfaction with a couple of things. Mainly myself. I find myself torn between different facets of my personality contingent upon the social setting. I guess, after awhile, people start expecting the same "show" from you. I'm tired of putting on masks. I mean, its quite unavoidable if you ask me, and those who proclaim that you just have to "be yourself", should get their head examined coz multiple selves most certainly exist. I guess, the resaon why its disturbing is coz at some level, I feel I'm selling myself. Not for money, but gratification maybe? affirmation? you fill in the blanks. Guess at some level, everyone's a prostitute.

So....as some sort of self-reflexive reactionary mechanism, I've reverted to be being brutally honest and crass. Hmm, when in doubt, throw overrated politically correct niceties to the wind and just let your id take over. Kinda feel like Simon Cowell actually : ) Some of you know what its like around me when I slip into "id-mode". See now this way, one moves away from hipocracy and needless self-pimping.

on that note,
back to work! : )

B

Thursday, May 27, 2004 

sweaty bastard

after a mix up with my trainer which began as a request to have my session pushed forward a few hours, followed by a bizarre game of phone tag, the session got pushed back to tomorrow morning. kinda sucked coz I specifically rushed home to hit the gym. meh, went for a run instead. something inherently good about sweating your ass off. whoo!

caglar had some sort of a farewell dinner thing/drinks last night. daryl was down to complete some details on his thesis. it was a good thing he was around coz I don't think I could've tolerated the rest of the rest of the lot. *pfft* 25 yr old 16 yr olds if you know what I mean. put it this way, the girls that tagged along with D and I left....and that requires a momentous malfunction in etiquette (sorry Steph et al., won't happen again). in retrospect, maybe they just weren't cool/hip enough : ) hah! needless to say I busted out too.

hmm, what's on the cards today? got some writing to do as per usual....people completing their theses have resulted in a royal kick in the ass for me. no matter how little I accomplish daily, just the fact that I did something is the bare minimum I expect of myself from here on end. its so wierd how there's so much sloth involved in an endeavour in which one is so interested in. ahhh, the great mystery of thesis writing. : )

anyway, have other things to say but I honestly don't feel like talking about it. something about beating a dead horse ; )

b



Monday, May 24, 2004 

lamenting (just what my MSN account reads)

just got home from dinner with ted and holly. we went to joe kools, I had chicken wings. nothing else on the menu fancied my palette. think its coz of all the chinese food I've been eating lately. y'see, I have this huge disdain for 99% of the chinese restraunts here coz they tend to cater to caucasian taste buds. stuff like chicken balls....which are starkly reminiscent of chicken mcnuggets. oh yah, my favourite dish is, oriental noodles. what exactly constitutes oriental flavour is baffling. it tastes like white people to me. same with singapore/malaysian style anything. straddling the border between singapore and malaysia, I can honestly say "what's that supposed to be??" this brings me back to my point, I found a GOOD eating hole. *grinz*

it was the victoria day break this past weekend. went up to grand bend to a friend's cottage. drinks/boating/overly tight wetsuits/frigid water/tacky town etc.... it was good to hang out with sean, but I could've done without most of the other people that were there. between the juveniles (based on actions, not chronologically) and gold diggers, I almost had a caniption. and I wonder why I've lost faith in mankind. gail tagged along, she seemed to enjoy herself quite well. though I wonder whether the guilt of ditching her needy boyfriend on the long weekend ever caught up with her. not that I dig her in "that" light, but I'm glad she came with me than him. apparently he's not exactly thrilled that she came up with me.(hah! me? threatening?? come on.) well, I mean, he's a nice enough guy, in a needy loser sorta way. and y'know what, nice enough just doesn't cut it.

speaking of which, been thinking lately, about why people I know (and myself obviously) get into relationships. I've realised that a lot of us lie to ourselves as the rationale behind wanting it is not exactly for the opposite party per say but its coz of this unhealthy obsession with being in a relationship period. be it out of loneliness, sex, pity, and god forbid, prestige. whatever the case may be, its due to rather selfish and solipsistic reasons. hmm, therefore, as mind numbingly frustrating as it is, I've resolved to dwell in solitude long enough for me to be comfortable in solitude. methinks its better in the long run. more stable locus of control and self-efficacy and all. bring on the bouts of neuroticsm I say! : )

well, gonna sign off now.

B

Thursday, May 20, 2004 

Shazzaamm!!

Now that I've got your attention, allow me to bring you down again coz I've really nothing too exciting to talk about. : )

Same old stuff....

Work: I've read more articles in the past week than I have in the past year. One more day of background research and then wrtting begins. Though I get the distinct feeling that my advisor as sent me on a wild goose chase. Hmm, I'm sure there's a method to the madness (somewhere).

Salsa: Went for lessons again. Learnt a couple more steps.....feel I'm getting better at this though it seems like I perform better with the music. Scary, I might actually be enjoying this.

Social life: Non existent. Geekdom defines me lately. Here's a clear indicator, I've noticed that I always have a pad of paper and a pen in my left breast pocket at all times. Well, I DID go out this past weeked....AND it was a helluva time but the "urge" has been drastically declining. Suffice to say that it is inversely related to the degree of engrossment in my work.

Went to get my tux fitted for Brock's wedding. Fairly boring process, though I wanted to make sure that it didn't fit like a black box, much to the disdain of the person at the store. Moreover, I absolutely dispise wearing rented apparel.

that's it for now.

B

Tuesday, May 18, 2004 

argh.

not sleeping well....at all. think I average abut 3-4 hrs of sleep a day. stressed out about this thesis. tried to switch to the area paper option to finish quicker but alas, alack...which is partly also good news. I WANT to do this thesis, its just that now I going to remain in academics for a bit longer than planned. Nothing like a healthy dose of reading the wrong things and old fashion sloth to hamper productivity.....ack. I guess my penance is that I don't get to go home til I'm finished.

gosh, I'm exhausted.



Saturday, May 15, 2004 

gaseous mould

sooo bloated right now.....must be all that beer drinking with no food in my system yesterday. no wait, had that hotdog towards the end of the night. yah so, the lot of us went out on the town yesterday. started out at the grad club at 3pm (too early?), one of the guys successfully defended his thesis...Daryl's good shit. came home around 9, and then gail, sarah, and ted popped by. lets just say the night was pretty magotty. as a side note, at one of the places we were stumbled into, a fairly attrative blonde approached me, extended index finger and all and anti-climatically said, "hey, now I don't feel so bad, you're old too!" *duhh* : ) needless to say, we left fairly shortly. but all in all, fruitfull night, ex-student "encounters" an all : )

great news! going to the jack johnson show in toronto with donavon frankenreiter along with "g-love and special sauce" (now that's a name!). its gonna kick ass.

anyway, later for now.

B

Thursday, May 13, 2004 

god bless air-con

just got home from the gym.....the heat outside is unrelenting to say the least. moreover, with my flat being on the top floor of this victorian house(heat rises), air-conditioning is a god sent.

had a thesis meeting with good old chuck (that's Dr. Levine to some) yesterday over lunch....lets just say that I'm back on track. feels good. though I have to say that I can't wait to be done and move on to the non-academic sigment of my life. call me a sell-out but I want to make some money and be a yuppie : ) polo-shirts and bmws here I come!

pat might find this interesting....I went for salsa lessons with gail yesterday. not to sound utterly gay, but methinks its something useful to have in my repetoire of useless abilities. plus hey, I enjoyed it.

meh, going to go slouch for a bit before dinner arrives.

B

Wednesday, May 12, 2004 

melting

oh boy, stuck in some sort of sweltering heat......very reminiscent of home but recently comming out of winter, I liken it to a snowball in Morocco.

we've been having some bizarre weather of late. There have been a few days in succession where there were thunder storms(unlike Malaysians, these folks freak the fuck out due to the rarity of such forms of precipitation), and get this, huge pieces of hail(ice pellets) as well. We're talking "putting dents in cars" huge here people. I had a fun time sitting on my balconey watching people run for cover. Muahahaha.... : )

stupid people.....yes stupid people are running rampant. too many to mention....you know who you are ; )

on a related tangent, I'm quickly losing patience for people that use me as a "security blanket"/"shoulder to cry on"/"messenger". one, locate your backbone you spineless imbeciles. and two, refer to one. mind you, it could be a personal flaw of mine....wait, no it isn't! :) soo....sod off. I'm sick of you people.

on that note....ta!



Sunday, May 09, 2004 

I'm back

In one of me moods again. Strangly enough, I've been finding myself in these, well, for the lack of a better word, doldrums of late.
Hence, decided to give my apartment a thorough cleanup today. mmm, the calming scent of pinesol and fabreeze.....

I'll revisit this post later on.

Thursday, May 06, 2004 

oh so tired.....

Stayed up til 4:30am yesterday determined to complete this paper which I submitted this afternoon. *fingers crossed* Hope I do well.....meh, I should. This particular prof likes the way I write. As an aside, you know when you write papers and you get stuck on a sentence because it needs to be perfect before you let yourself move on? Its the case with me for EVERY sentence. For a 6000 word, 26 page paper, its hell. Gosh, I wage war with myself every time I sit down to write. Next, the thesis.....100 pages of wickedness : )

Had all the best intentions of taking a nap this afternoon but alas, it eluded me. Got back from campus around 5 after running around doing errands. Shortly after, Gail popped by we joined Ted and Holly for drinks and food. I've realised that being very close to 30, Holly has become very amorous....its analogous to the sex drive of an 18 yr old male. Ted's a lucky bugger : ) What else, we got back and watched the finale of the OC, went to "salsa night" at this bar, and pretended to dance. Well at least I did, Gail did fine....she DOES have latin blood in her after all.

So I turn 24 today. Never one to really celebrate such things but my friends have taken it upon themselves to organize a night of debauchary tonight. They've got some sort of agenda. We shall see how it turns out.

Umm, think its time to get some much needed sleep.

B.

Monday, May 03, 2004 

now that's cool.

You guys ever realise how cool a full moon is? Its especially so when it has a slight orange tint.... pretty nifty. Kinda reminds me of the mid autum festival. mmmmm, mooncakes. Now can anyone explain to me why they put salted eggs in some of them? think about it, salted eggs in pastry. its like putting onions in ice-cream,....but worse. I shouldn't be talking, my culinary skills aren't exactly the greatest : )

nothing's new folks...still on this paper.

I'll have more things to say when its done.

B.

Sunday, May 02, 2004 

muddle-headed and gloomy

Muddle-headed because I'm still trudging along on this paper....its a piece of shit. I'll still probably get an 'A' in it though. The Boon operates in mysterious ways. (hmm, what if The Boon refers to himself in the 3rd person from now on??) : ) Yyyuck, I don't thinkk so.

Gloomy because it bloody raining. I've been watching the weather channel on a regular basis(don't ask why, I just do!) and god damn it, its not supposed to be like this in May. Something about a dry month instead. Meteorologists...pfft!

So I worked until it got to the point where I began inverting my clothes and started to wear them inside out...hmm, good sign to stop. Decided to go out with Dennis and Myra for some drinks at Plantation. Yah I still hate the patrons there but it was close and conveniant. Dennis is concerned that he might be a Canadian version of an Ah Beng. Guess he's getting a complex after being with Myra for such a long time ; ) Anyway, it was a good time, good conversation, yada, yada, yada.

Leyuze's leaving town today *sniff sniff*. Exchanged goodbyes and all that jazz. You know how these things go. Have a fabulous time at home girl! :)

k, time to get back to work,

b